People in love make me want to vomit
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
