Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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