My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
