im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
