So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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