Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
