I love black thongs
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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