capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
