Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
