I wanna bring you to show and tell
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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