I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
