Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
