Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
