She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
