I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
