She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
