I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
