Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
