bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
