did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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