I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
