***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
