I swear she didn't look like that last week.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
