Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Nobody cheats on THIS.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
