wat bout pragnant strippers??
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
