u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
