i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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