I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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