thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
