i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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