I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
