i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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