can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
