Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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