guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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