All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
