My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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