I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
