also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
