The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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