And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We had sex on a dog bed..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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