He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
