What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
