we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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