I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
