Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
