Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
