She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
