Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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