So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
