dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
